Fear
My Precious Child,
I would consider myself a fairly laid back person. Well... I used to be. Now it appears I am afraid of things that never even crossed my mind a year ago. I'm kept awake at night with the fear of SIDS. And choking hazards. And carseat malfunctions. And careless texters while drivers. I gave the stink eye to the texter next to me at a red light the other day and I don't feel one bit sorry. It was a well deserved stink eye. As your momma, I consider keeping you safe to be one of my most important responsibilities. Try to remember that someday when I try to ban you from motorcycles. I do it because I love you.
I fell in love the moment I saw you. They laid you on my chest, your heart beating against mine, and I knew in that instant that my world was forever changed. All of my life leading up to that point was preparing me for that monumental moment - the moment I became a mother... your mother.
You are the most beautiful gift, Josslyn. You're not even 4 months old but you are already so many things. Joyful. Strong. Sweet. Smart. Stubborn. Silly. Observant. Active. Beautiful. And you're our daughter. When you smile, I smile. When you laugh, mmm. My day has been made. But when you hurt, I hurt. When your body tenses and your face scrunches and you cry for reasons I sometimes can't determine, my heart aches. I want to fix it.
Your daddy says I'm overly cautious and he is probably right about that. But I really am trying not to be. I don't want to be that neurotic mother gasping and leaping toward her child at the slightest waver in her step or the littlest bruise on her knee. A little dirt, pain, or sweat can be a good for a person. I know that I will have to let you fall down every now and then, literally and figuratively, but damn is that a tough reality to accept. I'm going to watch you struggle. I'm going to see you feel lonely. Betrayed. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. I'm going to see you be disappointed and let down by things out of your control. And I'm going to want to fix it. Sometimes I will be able to help, sometimes I won't, and sometimes I'll chose not to even if I can. Because you're a strong girl. You're going to be so smart and so capable of finding your own solutions to your problems. I would be doing you a disservice if I jumped in to help without giving you a chance. But remember that my heart and my ears are always open.
Someday you're going to be as big as me with big words and big dreams and big ideas but you'll still be my baby. I'll still walk into your room at night from time to time just to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath. I'll still be there to hold you when you need me. I'll still want to kiss your ow-ies but I probably won't to spare you the embarrassment I'll hold back. But just know that I'm doing it in my mind. You're my girl. I'm your mom. That's a forever sort of deal.
I trust you. I love you. I'm here for you.
Love Always and Forever,
Mom
I would consider myself a fairly laid back person. Well... I used to be. Now it appears I am afraid of things that never even crossed my mind a year ago. I'm kept awake at night with the fear of SIDS. And choking hazards. And carseat malfunctions. And careless texters while drivers. I gave the stink eye to the texter next to me at a red light the other day and I don't feel one bit sorry. It was a well deserved stink eye. As your momma, I consider keeping you safe to be one of my most important responsibilities. Try to remember that someday when I try to ban you from motorcycles. I do it because I love you.
Photo Credit: Golden Veil Photography, Bismarck ND
You are the most beautiful gift, Josslyn. You're not even 4 months old but you are already so many things. Joyful. Strong. Sweet. Smart. Stubborn. Silly. Observant. Active. Beautiful. And you're our daughter. When you smile, I smile. When you laugh, mmm. My day has been made. But when you hurt, I hurt. When your body tenses and your face scrunches and you cry for reasons I sometimes can't determine, my heart aches. I want to fix it.
Your daddy says I'm overly cautious and he is probably right about that. But I really am trying not to be. I don't want to be that neurotic mother gasping and leaping toward her child at the slightest waver in her step or the littlest bruise on her knee. A little dirt, pain, or sweat can be a good for a person. I know that I will have to let you fall down every now and then, literally and figuratively, but damn is that a tough reality to accept. I'm going to watch you struggle. I'm going to see you feel lonely. Betrayed. Frustrated. Angry. Sad. I'm going to see you be disappointed and let down by things out of your control. And I'm going to want to fix it. Sometimes I will be able to help, sometimes I won't, and sometimes I'll chose not to even if I can. Because you're a strong girl. You're going to be so smart and so capable of finding your own solutions to your problems. I would be doing you a disservice if I jumped in to help without giving you a chance. But remember that my heart and my ears are always open.
Someday you're going to be as big as me with big words and big dreams and big ideas but you'll still be my baby. I'll still walk into your room at night from time to time just to feel your chest rise and fall with each breath. I'll still be there to hold you when you need me. I'll still want to kiss your ow-ies but I probably won't to spare you the embarrassment I'll hold back. But just know that I'm doing it in my mind. You're my girl. I'm your mom. That's a forever sort of deal.
I trust you. I love you. I'm here for you.
Love Always and Forever,
Mom
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