Half a Year

My Precious Child, 

Don't you dare laugh. This right here was no laughing matter. Pregnancy is beautiful and miraculous but, in this moment right here, I was the get-the-heck-out-of-me stage of pregnancy that is all back aches and leg cramps and swollen ankles. 6 months ago. 

But even with my Big Foot feet flopping around and charlie horses radiating in my legs, I knew you were worth it. I loved you from the moment I saw those two lines on the pregnancy test. I loved you when I heard the thump thump thump of your heartbeat during our first appointment. I loved you when my belly grew, when stretch marks formed on my sides, and when I reached a point where you daddy had to put my shoes on for me. I loved you when the contractions got so strong that I couldn't catch my breath. I loved you even when I was in more pain than I can describe. And boy did I ever love you in that moment when the nurses laid you across my chest. I loved you when I saw your huge, gorgeous eyes for the first time. I loved you.

But, Josslyn Rain, I could have never imagined I could love you this much. These first 6 months of your beautiful life, we have watched you grow from an adorable squishy pink blob into an observant, intuitive, sweet, gorgeous girl. It's a kind of love that makes me ache when I'm away from you, the kind of love that has me wondering what I ever did before I saw your face. 

In the past 6 months, I've been pooped on, puked on, sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted, and challenged more than ever before. I've cried in a Target changing room, pumped in more bathrooms than I care to talk about, and done some pretty embarrassing things to get you to laugh, eat, or sleep. All of the Bad Ass Points I stocked up on as a reckless 18 year old smoking cigarillos on a tailgate somewhere pretty much went out the window the moment I made obnoxiously helicopter noises as I fed you zucchini for the first time. 

But you want to know something? You're worth it. Being your mom is single handedly the coolest thing I've ever done. I get to wake up every morning, walk into your room, and see you smiling up at me with big blue eyes and a gummy smile and know that I helped make that. I get the honor of watching you grow and learn and discover your world. I get to be there as you learn to be the author of your own story. I can't wait to see what you write, sweet girl. 

Love Always and Forever, 

Mom