Babble
My Precious Child,
You'll soon come to know that I have opinions on darn near everything. And, for the most part, I don't mind sharing them. Granted, I am a toned down version of my teenage self but I'm still, as they say, sassy. And I am proud of that... mostly.
But it isn't always so great. I find myself silently criticizing parents that I don't even know, wondering, "Why are they talking to their child that way?" or "Why are they letting their child eat that?" I watch from a place of judgment as parents try to wrangle their rambunctious children, wondering if that Mountain Dew they're holding might have anything to do with it, when I should be opening door for them or asking if I can help them carry their bags. Shame on me. And I'm working on that.
I have picked up a few things from my people-watching though, some good things that I want to incorporate into my own parenting and some things that I want to avoid. After much consideration, I have compiled a list of the top five things I want to avoid saying to you or around you. Hold me accountable to these because I've given them a great deal of thought.
1. "Never change."
What a crock of bologna. I remember writing that on the back of school pictures for my friends. If I could go back in time, I would a) forgo the perm in 5th grade, b) throw in the towel on my doomed high school relationship much sooner, and c) NEVER write that cliche bull crap on anything. Ever.
Baby girl, I want you to change. Change every single day. Change for the better. Change because you have gained new information that opened your mind. Change because standing still for too long makes your feet ache and your heart yearn for new places and new experiences. Change because you damn well feel like it. Change your mind, your hair style, your attitude, your beliefs, and (for the love of all that is holy) change your socks every once and a while.
You won't regret it.
2. "How does that make you feel?"
The most important thing my counseling program has taught me so far is that we need to take responsibility for our emotions. Now I promise you that I will not go "all counselor on you" every time you need to have a heart-to-heart but this is so very important: you need to OWN what you're feeling because there is no shame in being sad. Or angry. Or disappointed. Or betrayed.
Nobody makes you feel anything. Asking how something made you feel is like saying, "This experience was done to you and the emotions you are feeling are out of your hands. You have no control in your own emotional experience." I refuse to do that. Things will happen in your life, some beautiful things that make your heart sing and some awful things that make your stomach feel like a cement block, but the emotions you feel because of those experiences are yours. Identify them. Own them. Sort through them. And I will help. I will listen to you and walk beside you through whatever path you choose. But they are your emotions to be felt. Allow yourself to feel them.
3. "That's meant for boys."
You don't have to like pink. You don't have to dance and sing and like princess stories. You don't have to ask for Barbies and kitchen sets for your birthday. But if that feels right to you? Do it! And if your Christmas list includes dolls, trucks, makeup, and a football, that is more than okay with us too.
You come from a long line of strong women. Your grandma started working as a middle school principal when she was only 28 years old. She juggled a solid marriage, two growing babies, and a promising administrative career in an era where that wasn't exactly the norm. Never second guess yourself because of your gender. Never listen to the voices telling you that something is out of the question because you're a woman. Take your seat at the table and speak up. Your voice is just as important as any man's and it deserves to be heard.
4. "Because I said so."
I have a feeling you're going to be a pretty sharp little nugget. If you're anything like your rational, type-A daddy, you're going to want logical explanations for why you can't do something. And I owe you that. Being your mommy doesn't mean that I automatically know more than you do but it does mean that I have a few more years experience on this earth. I've learned a great deal in my time here and I'm going to want to use knowledge to keep you safe.
You want to go to a grad party? I don't blame you. I've been there. I've done that. And I won't lie to you, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Maybe too much. But the thought of you, my precious baby, surrounded by Jello shots and drunk boys I hardly know scares the living crap out of me. I probably won't tell you flat-out no. But if I set perimeters like, "I'm picking you up at midnight" or "no mixed drinks" try not to argue with me. Trust me when I say you won't get the answer, "Because I said so." You will get a far more detailed account of my lessons learned the hard way, full of details that will make you wish you had never asked. Meet me in the middle, obey the pretty reasonable rules that we set for you, and I promise to keep trusting you.
5. "I look so fat in this."
Dear Lord, help modern American women. At some point or another, I have heard almost every woman I love degrade her beautiful body with words like lumpy, cellulite-y, wrinkly wide, thick, hairy, or (the classic) fat. I have watched women (and girls) stand in front of the mirror, picking and prodding at their clothes to conceal the fat roll that only they seem to notice. And I am as guilty as the next person. I have grabbed nearby couch pillows to rest on my lap to hide my belly fat. I have tried countless fad-diets and consumed more "sugar free" chemicals than I would care to admit.
My beautiful girl: PLEASE don't do that to yourself. My belly with a scar across it and faint remaining stretch marks from my youth? That was your home for the first chapter of your beautiful life. My butt that was the source of many jokes made at my own expense? It has cushioned the blow from falls on the ice and makes a pretty excellent cushion for watching football games on hard bleachers.
You are so much more than a dress size. Your worth can't be measured by a scale. You are going to be smart and funny and full of admirable traits that I have yet to know. Let those traits shape your identity. The body that carries your lovely soul is just a bonus.
Love Always and Forever,
Mom
You'll soon come to know that I have opinions on darn near everything. And, for the most part, I don't mind sharing them. Granted, I am a toned down version of my teenage self but I'm still, as they say, sassy. And I am proud of that... mostly.
But it isn't always so great. I find myself silently criticizing parents that I don't even know, wondering, "Why are they talking to their child that way?" or "Why are they letting their child eat that?" I watch from a place of judgment as parents try to wrangle their rambunctious children, wondering if that Mountain Dew they're holding might have anything to do with it, when I should be opening door for them or asking if I can help them carry their bags. Shame on me. And I'm working on that.
I have picked up a few things from my people-watching though, some good things that I want to incorporate into my own parenting and some things that I want to avoid. After much consideration, I have compiled a list of the top five things I want to avoid saying to you or around you. Hold me accountable to these because I've given them a great deal of thought.
1. "Never change."
What a crock of bologna. I remember writing that on the back of school pictures for my friends. If I could go back in time, I would a) forgo the perm in 5th grade, b) throw in the towel on my doomed high school relationship much sooner, and c) NEVER write that cliche bull crap on anything. Ever.
Baby girl, I want you to change. Change every single day. Change for the better. Change because you have gained new information that opened your mind. Change because standing still for too long makes your feet ache and your heart yearn for new places and new experiences. Change because you damn well feel like it. Change your mind, your hair style, your attitude, your beliefs, and (for the love of all that is holy) change your socks every once and a while.
You won't regret it.
2. "How does that make you feel?"
The most important thing my counseling program has taught me so far is that we need to take responsibility for our emotions. Now I promise you that I will not go "all counselor on you" every time you need to have a heart-to-heart but this is so very important: you need to OWN what you're feeling because there is no shame in being sad. Or angry. Or disappointed. Or betrayed.
Nobody makes you feel anything. Asking how something made you feel is like saying, "This experience was done to you and the emotions you are feeling are out of your hands. You have no control in your own emotional experience." I refuse to do that. Things will happen in your life, some beautiful things that make your heart sing and some awful things that make your stomach feel like a cement block, but the emotions you feel because of those experiences are yours. Identify them. Own them. Sort through them. And I will help. I will listen to you and walk beside you through whatever path you choose. But they are your emotions to be felt. Allow yourself to feel them.
3. "That's meant for boys."
You don't have to like pink. You don't have to dance and sing and like princess stories. You don't have to ask for Barbies and kitchen sets for your birthday. But if that feels right to you? Do it! And if your Christmas list includes dolls, trucks, makeup, and a football, that is more than okay with us too.
You come from a long line of strong women. Your grandma started working as a middle school principal when she was only 28 years old. She juggled a solid marriage, two growing babies, and a promising administrative career in an era where that wasn't exactly the norm. Never second guess yourself because of your gender. Never listen to the voices telling you that something is out of the question because you're a woman. Take your seat at the table and speak up. Your voice is just as important as any man's and it deserves to be heard.
4. "Because I said so."
I have a feeling you're going to be a pretty sharp little nugget. If you're anything like your rational, type-A daddy, you're going to want logical explanations for why you can't do something. And I owe you that. Being your mommy doesn't mean that I automatically know more than you do but it does mean that I have a few more years experience on this earth. I've learned a great deal in my time here and I'm going to want to use knowledge to keep you safe.
You want to go to a grad party? I don't blame you. I've been there. I've done that. And I won't lie to you, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Maybe too much. But the thought of you, my precious baby, surrounded by Jello shots and drunk boys I hardly know scares the living crap out of me. I probably won't tell you flat-out no. But if I set perimeters like, "I'm picking you up at midnight" or "no mixed drinks" try not to argue with me. Trust me when I say you won't get the answer, "Because I said so." You will get a far more detailed account of my lessons learned the hard way, full of details that will make you wish you had never asked. Meet me in the middle, obey the pretty reasonable rules that we set for you, and I promise to keep trusting you.
5. "I look so fat in this."
Dear Lord, help modern American women. At some point or another, I have heard almost every woman I love degrade her beautiful body with words like lumpy, cellulite-y, wrinkly wide, thick, hairy, or (the classic) fat. I have watched women (and girls) stand in front of the mirror, picking and prodding at their clothes to conceal the fat roll that only they seem to notice. And I am as guilty as the next person. I have grabbed nearby couch pillows to rest on my lap to hide my belly fat. I have tried countless fad-diets and consumed more "sugar free" chemicals than I would care to admit.
My beautiful girl: PLEASE don't do that to yourself. My belly with a scar across it and faint remaining stretch marks from my youth? That was your home for the first chapter of your beautiful life. My butt that was the source of many jokes made at my own expense? It has cushioned the blow from falls on the ice and makes a pretty excellent cushion for watching football games on hard bleachers.
You are so much more than a dress size. Your worth can't be measured by a scale. You are going to be smart and funny and full of admirable traits that I have yet to know. Let those traits shape your identity. The body that carries your lovely soul is just a bonus.
Love Always and Forever,
Mom
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