Parents Don't Usually Say This

My Precious Child, 

Lately I have been feeling your movements more than ever. Pepper jack cheese and cookies seem to be your favorite foods - not simultaneously, thank God, so no complaints here! It's gotten to a point that I can actually see your movements just by watching my belly. Way. Too. Cool. (The puppies clearly like to feel your movements as well). 

You're becoming more and more real. But right now you are still my little 2 lb. baby bean, kicking and jabbing my bladder in the middle of the night. It's hard to imagine that in a few short years you will be walking, talking, forming opinions of your own, dancing, laughing, making friends, and... growing up. That's the tough part. That's the part that I still can't really wrap my mind around. You are this tiny, precious little thing right now, so small I can carry you around in my belly all day long with only mild back aches and an occasional leg cramp. 

But you're going to grow up. And that will come with a whole set of responsibilities, choices, and challenges. I see things like this a lot when I'm browsing Pinterest, Facebook, and other sites. 

Though I appreciate the protective sentiment, I'm disturbed by the overriding message. I've seen it a dozen times now: a picture of a teenage girl posing with her prom date, his expression like a deer in the headlights, as her father stands behind them with a shotgun.

Behind that image is the basic premise that a girl's purity is to be protected. It gives this idea that a young woman's virginity is a prize that young men seek and something that her daddy will guard until a worthy recipient (likely her husband) comes along. I'm about to be completely frank with you, telling you something that I don't hear many parents telling their children, but it's so important: you don't have to wait until you're married to have sex. If you do, I think that is fantastic. I would applaud you for that. But I want you to always remember that your value is not attached to whether or not you retain your virginity until your wedding night. 

You're going to be raised a little differently than that "dad with a shotgun" image, baby girl. It's not that we don't want to protect you because Lord knows we do. And it's not that we don't get a little uneasy thinking about you doing the same sorts of things that we both did as teenagers because, to be honest, that idea scares me to the core. But by the time that you will be old enough to go out on a date, you will have had at least 15-16 years of warmth, acceptance, and love from us. You will be told every single day how beautiful you are and how much you deserve respect. You will be reminded of how smart you are and how capable you are of making decisions for yourself. 

And that choice might be to have sex. I won't pretend that it will be an easy conversation when it happens. My voice will probably be a little shaky and I may make a few super corny jokes. You've been warned. But that is a conversation we will have. There will be an ongoing dialogue about sexuality throughout you life so I hope that it isn't too excruciatingly awkward for you to come talk to me about it when you feel you need to. There is a standing invitation to ask me anything you'd like. Same goes with your dad but, if you're anything like me, you would rather pull out your fingernails than ask your father sex-related questions. That is perfectly okay. 

Our job as your mommy and daddy is to raise you to love exactly who it is that you are - all of the quirks, the imperfections, and the strengths. If we do a really good job, we will also instill in you that any man (or woman) worth your time will love those same quirks, imperfections, and strengths. Find somebody who makes you laugh at the most ridiculous things, someone who tells you how smart you are, someone who looks you in the eye when you're speaking and truly hears what you have to say. Find somebody who loves your soul, that God-given asset that makes you who you are. Then and only then do they deserve to know the rest of you in any intimate way. 

I asked your daddy a few weeks ago what he would say to the first date you bring over to the house. His answer: "I'd ask him what book he's currently reading. If he can't even think of one to lie about, it's a no go." Baby girl, you're not getting a gun toting, hell-raising, tough talking father. He won't stand behind you in your prom pictures, whispering things into your date's ear with hopes of putting the fear of God in him for the rest of the night. You're getting a dad who will choke up a little when he sees you looking so beautiful, a man who will shake your date's hand, hug you goodbye, and whisper in your ear how much he loves and trusts you. Listen to that little voice in your head, trust your instincts, and remain true to your core convictions, sweetheart. They will rarely lead you astray. If they ever do, we will be right here. 

Love Always and Forever, 

Mom